you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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