They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
