so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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