If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
God, I missed his penis.
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