Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
