That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he puts the penis in happiness.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
