my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize