Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
