So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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