mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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