So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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