are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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