textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize