To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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