I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
