a queef is a wish your heart makes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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