dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize