i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
