:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
