u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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