His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
