I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
