Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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