she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
