I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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