I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
