i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
