I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
