Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
