dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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