I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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