wanna go halves on a baby?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
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