I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
