Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Say something about gay babies.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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