You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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