I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
