MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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