I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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