To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
