Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
