he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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