What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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