Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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