Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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