Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
