I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
