My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
