just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
