So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize