Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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