Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize