oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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