Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
