after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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