I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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