Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
