There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize