Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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