Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
