I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
my poor anus
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
