Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
