And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
