conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it's like iHOP with fire
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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