Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
