that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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