do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
