My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
