im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
