it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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