smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
