dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize