What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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