I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
