He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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