Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
