We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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