I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
